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After three decades and more than a few relationships, what I finally know to be true is that communication is what keeps love alive. Love cannot live outside of communication. The word itself comes from the root word, commune, which means ‘to be one with’. Interestingly enough, I learned this lesson within the context of friendship. Although, I admit it took a little romance to spark the conversation.

Not just any kind of communication will cut it however. One must be clear, genuine, and without expectation. This is not an easy way to be. If you look at yourself closely, in any conversation, you will find that many conversations occur beneath the backdrop of fear. We rarely say what we truly feel in fear of hurting someone or being hurt. Well, one good place to start is by sharing how scared we are. Letting your fear be present is a surefire way of letting the other person’s guard down. Once that is out of the way, you can get down to what’s important.

Love. It’s the counterpart to fear. Love and fear cannot exist without each other. Love is what is important and often acknowledging our fears is a good way to get back to love.

The kind of love I am referring to is not that crazy electrochemical wave of sensation that runs through us when we are falling in love. There’s no way to keep that feeling alive. If there were, someone would be making billions. Certainly, we can keep chasing the high and there’s nothing wrong with that but how is it any different from chasing any other high? Whatever the high, the primary function of it seems to fill the void of something or perhaps it is just for pure fun.

The love I speak of is available to us at any moment, it’s eternal yet it takes some work to get in touch with it. This love encompasses all loves, including the kind that creates butterflies not only in your physical core but also in your soul. This love is so powerful it brings you to tears when you look at someone and are able to see just how amazing they truly are. In its’ greatest expanse, this love unveils the raw beauty of every human being and piece of life on earth.

I spent the last three years of my life in a serious relationship. We were engaged to be married and we chose to end the engagement, not in marriage, but in friendship. I am happy to say that as I write this, we are friends. We are the best of friends. We are support, respect, inspiration, and a stand for each other’s individual happiness. We have promised each other to do whatever it takes to support each other in living a happy, inspirational, and powerful life.

This has only been possible through communication and some introspection. When our romantic relationship ended, we were devastated. It was like something died and the next logical step was to go our separate ways. This is how so many relationships end up, they just end. What we don’t realize is that the very thing that hurts us the most is withholding our love for that person. We confuse love with certain expectations and if those expectations are not being met, well, how could that be love? Right?

The thing about expectation is it’s all about us and as human beings it is only natural to experience it. The trick is when you feel yourself getting angry or tense, stop to look at it. Where is it coming from and why? You can even go the next step and share the experience with someone. You will be surprised as to how much unfolds in a conversation through the process of communication. This is how fear and anxiety from not getting what you expect can transform into understanding, peace, and ultimately love.

This is how my ex-fiance and I have kept our love alive. What an amazing feeling it is know we will always have this love. It starts here with me and you and all of our personal relationships. If we can master the art of keeping love alive at the personal level, imagine what is possible at the global level?