Happy New Year Everyone!
A happy new year, indeed! With this unprecedented expansion of joy in my heart, this year also comes with new dreams, goals, and perspectives in a new year that marks for all of us a new chapter of our lives.
One of my goals of 2011 is to start writing again! I recently realized I have been letting my fears get in the way of writing and sharing what I write. How often do we hold ourselves back in fear of what others will think? How often do we let our egos block our flow of creativity?
Well, it’s a new year, and it’s a new day and I want to write just because I want to write. And I want to share just because I want to share! And today, I’m inspired to share about love and deliver the message that You Never Know. I want to remind those who have forgotten, cause we all need reminders, that when we are feeling stuck, it’s because we think we know what the future holds but we don’t! When we can relish in the mystery of a new day and let go a little, this is when life lets in something new.
In my coaching practice, it’s fascinating to me how no matter what the initial goals are for my clients, the deeper we go, the closer we get to what really matters for them – love, connection, relationship. Yes, community, health, career, and money are important too but there’s something about love, intimacy, and relationship or lack thereof, which often makes or breaks one’s day-to-day flow of joy.
While that relationship with oneself is by far the most important, and definitely the one to nurture first, it seems a natural and universal desire to find someone to relate with, someone to share deeply with, to grow with.
Six months ago, I was feeling a bit lost and wondering if I would ever meet anyone who would want to share their life and grow old with me or vice versa! In fact, I was feeling a little jaded, telling myself that maybe I don’t really want to meet anyone. I was seriously opening up to the possibility of becoming heterosexual life partners with my best friend… and I was actually beginning to have fun with the idea! I should add that even if that were still the plan, it would be great! Honestly, she and I would co-create a pretty fun-filled life together!
But I did meet someone… and this person, this new experience, has given me perspectives on love and relationship I never knew I could or would have. For the first time in my life, love is not this struggle or this thing I have to figure out and understand. There’s a knowing, a peaceful and joyous, mutual knowing, that we are here, in part, to be together. What I find most incredible is this newfound unconditional love for myself, for him, and for other human beings. I remember saying to my beloved, Nova, a few months ago, “For the first time in my life, I feel at peace with everyone in my life… ”
This was a moment I will never forget, a moment that revealed an insight I will never forget – that this sense of unconditional love and peace is somehow tied to the experience of being “in love”. And not that fleeting, infatuation love that we all know of, but something deeper.
For everyone, it’s different. Not everyone is here to find someone special to share their lives with, but I do believe that experiencing love, that being ‘in-love’ is one of the fundamental purposes in life. For some, it might be through art, for others, meditation, music or even food! It doesn’t matter, as long as we recognize what it is for our selves and then go after it. Make it happen! Then relish in the beauty of how it makes you shine.
And for those individuals who feel a little lost, who perhaps aren’t even sure of what that path looks like for them, trust that you are already on that path. And when you wake up in the morning, remember, ANYTHING is possible! You just never know what the day has in store! You never know! It never hurts to believe in a little bit of magic. Indeed, there are forces at work in this world that science is only beginning to wrap their tools around.
I will add, however, that no matter how different we are, and no matter where we are on our path, we ALL need love. Healthy relationships and affection are as important as the air that we breathe! For years, research has shown and continues to show how important love, affection, and committed relationships are for healthy, long-lasting lives ( Heppard, 2010; Burleson, 2007; Hecht, 1994; Traupmann,1981).
For those of you who are wondering if you will ever meet someone special to share your lives with, I leave you with this one simple message – Believe that you will and you will. You never know what lies ahead! So don’t live into anything less than the possibility of your greatest bliss! There’s more to life than any of us will ever know – so dare to dream big! And never give up!
Salud con Todos y Feliz Ano Nuevo!!
Love,
Dr. Jinju
Burleson, M.H. et al. (2007). In the Mood for Love or Vice Versa? Exploring the Relations Among Sexual Activity, Physical Affection, Affect, and Stress in the Daily Lives of Mid-Aged Women. Arch Sex Behav 36: 357-368.
Hecht, M.L. et al. (1994). Love Ways and Relationship Quality in Heterosexual Relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships vol. 11 no. 1 25-43.
Heppard, C. (2010). Heart Health and Relationships. On-line article for Suite101.com
Traupmann, J., and Hatfield, E. (1981). Love and its effect on mental and physical health. In R. Fogel, E. Hatfield, S. Kiesler and E. Shanas (eds). Aging: Stability and change in family. (pp. 253-274). New York: Academic Press.